I am two weeks into the most frightening job I have ever had in my life as a performer… and no, I haven’t taken up working as a stunt man or a tight rope walker. And I’m not a wimp when it comes to performing- I am proud of my track record of gigs in hostile performance environments from the street theatre pitches of Europe to the pubs of outer Brisbane suburbia. I have been heckled within an inch of my life: “My sister could do that!”; had entire audiences chant: “You’re not funny!” and even performed an entire show whilst being threatened by a rubber band, poised to be flicked at my head, but that’s the beauty of doing kids’ shows- they are honest. Then there were the seriously unnerving mid show experiences that I will never forget, which I will list in order of terror:
A- Having our costumes stolen mid “Frock Swap” in a Gooney Girls street show at Triple Z Market Day and having to perform the rest of the show in our underwear
B- Forgetting my lines whilst performing a Medieval Morality play because I spotted my stalker in the audience
C- Being upstaged by a drunk English streaker in Amsterdam whose final contribution to the show arrived in the form of a beer bottle that flew through the air and smashed right in front of us, exploding like a hostile punch line.
“So how could anything upstage experiences such as these in the ranks of terror?!” I hear you ask…read on my fearless friends! (And imagine, if you will, that the following is accompanied by an accordion playing minor chords.)
I am currently working on a Bell Shakespeare and Queensland Theatre Company co-production called “The Alchemist”. There are many reasons this could be daunting…The text is over four hundred years old, it is a cast the size of a cricket team with curriculum vitaes longer than the Mahabarata and each actor is equipped with backstage tales that make a Liz Taylor autobiography seem boring. Needless to say I am learning a great deal from this cast and “if we’re growing, we’re always going to be out of our comfort zone” (John Maxwell). But whist I am suffering a mild case of starstruckedness, it is not this that is making me lose sleep at night. Nor is it my role of “Dame Pliant”, which consists of about a dozen lines and the simple task of teetering on heels whist looking like a very desirable “dull innocent”. “So why is this job more terrifying than the Tower of Terror at Dreamworld? Or a week in the Big Brother house!?” I hear you screaming. Okay I’ll put my accordion down, take away the smoke and mirrors and deliver the killer punch.
I am Understudy to the female lead, Doll Common, played by Brisbane actress, Georgina Symes (currently on every second billboard around town). Now whilst the role of understudy conjures up glamorous images of character shoes, chorus lines and late night rehearsals over night caps with the stars of the show, unfortunately it is none of these things. Actually, for a while there I was not sure if I had imagined being asked to be Understudy or if it was real. But today, we had our first Understudy rehearsal and I now have no doubt in my mind that if Georgie goes down, I am it!
So once you’ve learnt the lines and the moves I am realizing that understudying is a state of mind. It is a seesaw ride from “I hope I get the chance” to “I hope I never have to!”…depending on how you feel on the day. “I hope I get the chance”, was what I was foolishly thinking preview week…until I arrived at the theatre one night to hear the horrifying news that Georgie had hives upon which I was suddenly winded by my metaphoric seesaw that had swung violently to the ground and dumped me on my arse with a resounding “BUT NOT YET!!!!” Luckily the hives did not get in the road of Georgie stoically slapping on the make up, climbing into her fishnets and cowboy boots and striding onto stage as the saucy prostitute and mistress of disguise, Doll Common.
And today, during Understudy rehearsals I was to learn upon climbing into those very boots that they are big shoes to fill- literally- they are a size eleven compared to my six and a half. And on that topic, I am half her height so I would look like a kid playing dress ups in her costume if I ever had to wear it! But like the first time you put on one of your Mum’s old evening dresses and then look at your seven year old frame in the mirror, thinking determinedly, “I could pass for an adult”…it is this same blind, clown-like ambition that I have decided I will need to call on in the event of an emergency. TOUCH WOOD!
The question most people ask on discovering that I am an Understudy is “so who will do your role if you have to play Georgie’s?” and the answer is that some other actor will get a phone call on the day and be flown in play me! Imagine getting THAT phone call- now that is scarier than spending an ENTIRE series in the Big Brother house!
“The Alchemist” is playing at the Optus Playhouse in Brisbane until 14th March, bookings via QTIX 136 246 or online www.qldtheatreco.com.au. For details on the rest of the tour (Sydney, Canberra, Perth), visit the Bell Shakespeare online www.bellshakespeare.com.au
