The arrival of 2010 marks exactly one year of singledom for me. The kingdom of single, however has changed since I was last here (back in the early part of the last decade). The naughties were beautifully uncomplicated and simply naughty. But now that we are in the twentyt(w)e(e)ns, boys seem to have developed a complicated streak and as we all know are developing greater and greater fear of commitment.
Maybe I am noticing this more because I have entered my thirties and boys that meet me can hear the ticking of my biological clock (SHHH! I must get mine replaced with a digital one). But whilst I am on the look out for someone to play the male lead in the feature film of my life, I know that I am not going to find him by holding auditions….(Hang on- auditions- that is not such a bad idea!) Rather, I see myself as a dating pilgrim, enjoying the journey as opposed to being fixated with the destination.
The challenge, however, is finding someone who wants to join me on the journey beyond the first date. Now I could take this very personally and quit dating all together but I thankfully have a massive ego, which reassures me that it is not me- it’s them. In Japan, they are calling this new breed of men who cannot even commit to a cup of coffee let alone to a romantic dinner, “Soushoku-Danshi”- Herbivore Males. And their biggest fear is being snagged by a “Nikushoku- Onna”- Meat Eating Female.
These Herbivore Males display a wide range of behavioural patterns from “trying to make themselves better people” to thinking that the next hair cut will “shave years off”. They display the emotional ability to fall in love but only with themselves. Mostly metrosexual in presentation, they spend most of their time making excuses. They are not particularly good at making excuses, but they are sufficient to at least, to make the Meat Eating Female lose patience and move onto other prey.
In conclusion Dear Readers, I will share with you some of the real life excuses that I have encountered from herbivore males over the past year and the things I wish I had have said at the time (comedy equals tragedy plus time)!
HIM 1- We would be a great couple- if only we lived in the same city.
ME- Well Move!
HIM 2- I can’t come over tonight I am feeling sick.
ME- But I make such a good nurse!
HIM 2- I’m tired.
ME- I have other costumes too…
HIM 3- I think I’d better go home, I’m trying to be good.
ME- Since when did boys start sounding like girls?
HIM 4- You want kids and I am not ready for that.
ME- But you are over thirty and balding!
HIM 5- I know your Ex too well.
ME- Why don’t you date him then!
HIM 6- I only just broke up with someone and want to be single for a while.
ME- Me too!
HIM 7- You are the most interesting girl that I have ever met….but-
ME- But what?? You prefer the dull ones??!!
Tags: Dating, Herbivore Males, Liz Skitch, Sex and the City, Skitch and the City
