BAD THINGS COME IN THREES…so they say, or maybe bad things occur all the time, in one long chain, but we choose to count in groups of three to make them more manageable… I hope the latter is not the case because I have just had a trio of strange happenings occur within days of each other and quite frankly, if something else that could be classified as regrettable takes place, I think I might lose my job.
So where did it all start? Oh yes, with the Elephant. Well, my part in Ben Jonson’s “The Alchemist” is that of the rich young widow from the country who has come to London to learn the fashion and find a husband. In rehearsals for this Bell Shakespeare show, we were given a fair bit of freedom in the development of our characters and particularly in their costume design. So I decided to make my Dame Pliant a Paris –Hilton- Wannabe that falls a little short and lands in the “Fashion Don’ts” section of the “Who Weekly”. Part of this trashy celebrity look includes the sporting of a miniature dog, usually pouched in a handbag. On trying this in rehearsals with a toy dog in a handbag, the director (Sir John Bell) surprised me by humouring the idea (even though it wasn’t really working) and rather than dismissing it altogether, suggested I bring in some other fluffy toys and try working with them.
The next day I arrived with half a dozen abandoned toys purchased from the local St Vinnies. Five of them were dogs and the last…a pink elephant. I waited for our first tea break of the day and then mentioned to Sir John that I had a few “auditionees” waiting to see him. When he turned to see the row of rather shabby looking stuffed animals waiting patiently to be considered for the part, he raised his eyebrows and without missing a beat said “Well, let’s see what they’ve got” and sat down in his director’s chair to view the applicants. After careful deliberation, he settled on the elephant and the rest is history. So the elephant has been in the show now for the past five weeks and is currently on stage each night at the Sydney Opera House.
But let me backtrack a little to where the tour started in Brisbane to introduce you to my first spot of bad luck. It was the closing night party at the big old share house where I happen to live and therefore, I felt it was my role as Hostess with the Mostess to be the Hostess-that-Drank-the-Mostess also. Mid Jane Fonda Workout at 3am, I managed to lose my big toenail. Don’t ask me how- I don’t actually remember it happening but I do remember cello-taping it back on, turning the record over and continuing with the disco infused seventies workout session. As a result of this heroic drunken performance, I turned up to Sydney, hobbling and unable to wear the very expensive Giovanni heels that had been purchased especially for my character to wear in the production. Instead, for the first three nights of the season, I shuffled on stage in a flat pair of slippers. Sir John only laughed and shook his head; I felt terrible but I laughed it off too.
To make matters worse (and this was hiccup number two), by opening night I had come down with a bad case of tonsillitis and after a phone call to our stage manager, was called in early to rehearsals that day to re-stage the kissing scenes. Sir John was waiting and when I said “Sorry John”, he shook his head and smiled kindly and this time, tears escaping in streams down my cheeks, I knew I had let him down. You see, eighty percent of my role as the rich young widow is to be very kissable…on the lips. So we had no choice but to find alternatives to the kisses or our two leading men were likely to contract tonsillitis also! The only other option and the one that we employed for a whole week till my tonsils were back to normal (thanks to Mr Flemming) was that instead of receiving the kisses on the lips, I dodged them and they landed on my cheeks. We got away with it but needless to say, it was not quite the same.
And number three? Well, this is where the Toy Elephant plays a starring role. Only just after I had got back into my high heels and finished my course of penicillin, one night I was standing back stage, mid show, next to our Stage Manager, Peter Sutherland, holding my Toy Elephant. (As well as managing the stage, Peter operates the sound effects from back stage by use of a computer and keyboard.) On this particular night, my Elephant decided to peer over Peter’s shoulder to look at his script and in doing so, his trunk pressed against the space bar on the keyboard, setting off the most enormous and important sound effect in the whole show- The Explosion!
A 10 second BOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!! filled the air of the Playhouse theatre of the Opera House to a surprised audience and even more surprised actors on stage, who had to adlib their way through the rest of the scene, disguising the obvious mistake as “a bad case of indigestion”.
On realising what I had done I scurried away to my dressing room, Elephant pressed to my chest, eyes wide like dinner plates. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought “You are SO fired”. I continued on with the show, in a state of shock and was surprised that at the end of the night Peter Sutherland actually talked to me and said that whilst it would be officially written up in the show report, that he would see me tomorrow with a slab of beer! The next night the show went on with no hiccups (Elephant was on his best behaviour) and following the final bow Peter announced through to our dressing rooms, “Following the show tonight, there will be drinks back stage to celebrate the end of Liz Skitch’s career….. (It felt like a very long pause)…………. as a Sound Operator”.
We drank, John Bell kissed me when he next saw me weeks later (he knew what had happened but did not mention it), I am still performing in “The Alchemist” and my big toenail is even starting to re-appear!
