Liz Skitch

Posts Tagged: Liz Skitch

Comedy — 2 Comments
9
Feb 10

Skitch and the City- A Seriously Textual Relationship

He is the last person that I text at night and the first that I think about in the morning. Sometimes we rapid-fire textual conversations, and other times the wait between texts is excruciating but when the drought is broken, it is all the more satisfying. I have been in a textual relationship with this guy for about two months now and even though we live in the same city, we have only met up a couple of times. To be honest though- I am really enjoying the text!

Don’t get me wrong- I really like this guy, he is seriously dishy and I could easily find being in his company addictive… But the fact of the matter is that we are really busy people with opposite schedules at the moment and so it has been physically impossible to be together. Bad timing. But maybe it is good timing??? After all, I always find that relationships move far too quickly early on and by the second date you feel like you could say, “Could you put the bins out darl?” Which really kills the romance.

And no I am not talking kinky texting! Although sometimes it gets a teensy bit naughty- like the other night I had to go to hospital to get a spider bite checked out. I texted him, “The hot nurses are all inspecting my bum” (where the bite was located). And he texted back, “Are they sucking the venom out for you?”

Gone are the days of long letters and poetry… but maybe texting is the next best thing?!! His texts make me lol, they make me ☺, and sometimes they even give me tingles all over (there isn’t an emoticon for that yet). We even had a text off the other day, sending line for line the lyrics of Young MC’s “Bust a Move”. Needless to say this really is a unique and special textual relationship.

So what next? Well texting is all I need right now and I think it is just right for him too. And as it so happens, I have just arrived in Adelaide where I’ll be performing at the Fringe for the next four weeks- so texting is the only option. And if we manage to survive a long distance textual relationship???

Bust a move!

Comedy — 1 Comment
19
Jan 10

Skitch and the City – Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Since recently putting it out there that I am looking for a bit of commitment, I am worried that I have added to perpetuating the myth that all girls over thirty still on the dating scene are just looking for a hubby and babies. Considering this makes most guys pack up their instruments and back away quietly, this is not going to work in my favour…so I am here to dispel it! After all, there is a reason there is Beyonce’s latest perfume is not called “Desperate” (Not that “Heat” is any better!)

Or even worse, when you signpost that you are “single” and “looking for commitment”, suddenly every bald man you know wants to take you out for a coffee.

The reality is that I have just come out of a long term relationship with a guy who was more Mr I’m Right than Mr Right and I am enjoying being free- to – do- what- I- like- any- old- time.

I love not having to make someone else’s sandwiches or to fold their underpants.

I love waking up on a Saturday morning and deciding what I am going to do with MY weekend.

I love making sentences using I not WE and MY not OUR.

But most of all I love going on dates (with men with hair). Getting to know people from scratch, hearing stories for the first time and never knowing what is just around the corner.

So next time I find myself at a Karaoke bar, I intend to steer away from “Single Ladies” because quite frankly, right now I don’t want anybody to “put a ring on it”. Instead, I’ll select “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” and belt it out like its 1983!

Comedy — No Comments
8
Jan 10

Skitch and the City- Committment

The arrival of 2010 marks exactly one year of singledom for me. The kingdom of single, however has changed since I was last here (back in the early part of the last decade). The naughties were beautifully uncomplicated and simply naughty. But now that we are in the twentyt(w)e(e)ns, boys seem to have developed a complicated streak and as we all know are developing greater and greater fear of commitment.

Maybe I am noticing this more because I have entered my thirties and boys that meet me can hear the ticking of my biological clock (SHHH! I must get mine replaced with a digital one). But whilst I am on the look out for someone to play the male lead in the feature film of my life, I know that I am not going to find him by holding auditions….(Hang on- auditions- that is not such a bad idea!) Rather, I see myself as a dating pilgrim, enjoying the journey as opposed to being fixated with the destination.

The challenge, however, is finding someone who wants to join me on the journey beyond the first date. Now I could take this very personally and quit dating all together but I thankfully have a massive ego, which reassures me that it is not me- it’s them. In Japan, they are calling this new breed of men who cannot even commit to a cup of coffee let alone to a romantic dinner, “Soushoku-Danshi”- Herbivore Males. And their biggest fear is being snagged by a “Nikushoku- Onna”- Meat Eating Female.

These Herbivore Males display a wide range of behavioural patterns from “trying to make themselves better people” to thinking that the next hair cut will “shave years off”. They display the emotional ability to fall in love but only with themselves. Mostly metrosexual in presentation, they spend most of their time making excuses. They are not particularly good at making excuses, but they are sufficient to at least, to make the Meat Eating Female lose patience and move onto other prey.

In conclusion Dear Readers, I will share with you some of the real life excuses that I have encountered from herbivore males over the past year and the things I wish I had have said at the time (comedy equals tragedy plus time)!

HIM 1- We would be a great couple- if only we lived in the same city.

ME- Well Move!

HIM 2- I can’t come over tonight I am feeling sick.

ME- But I make such a good nurse!

HIM 2- I’m tired.

ME- I have other costumes too…

HIM 3- I think I’d better go home, I’m trying to be good.

ME- Since when did boys start sounding like girls?

HIM 4- You want kids and I am not ready for that.

ME- But you are over thirty and balding!

HIM 5- I know your Ex too well.

ME- Why don’t you date him then!